I didn’t know that I was WILD. I had locked away my wildness when I was so young I could not even remember. Convincing myself that words like “mature,” “smart” and “serious” were more fitting to describe me.
I didn’t know that I was BRAVE. Minimizing risk was the name of the game. Study hard. Make good money. I stretched myself — but not beyond the pre-set perimeter I judged as “safe.”
I didn’t know that I was a CREATIVE FORCE barely contained inside a human body. I thought that I was flesh and blood, and stress and structure. I thought the world I experienced was the way things would always be.
And yet, there was a yearning. A deeper knowing. A longing for something more.
I thought the “something more” was a new career. So I took the leap and stepped onto a new path…
And it’s true, my life changed.
Yet so much of me stayed the same.
The brave began emerging. But the stress and structure weren’t budging. There were layers and levels like high-rise buildings buried underground.
So I kept excavating. Moving forward, one step at a time. And as each layer of me hit the sunlight, I felt like I could finally breathe.
Another step forward. Dig deep. Breathe. Repeat. Action was my mantra. Transformation a necessity.
I grew more ALIVE with every breath…
… yet more tired with every step.
Until one day, I laid it all down.
I stopped pushing, or trying. I stopped pressuring and outlining the way I thought things ought to be.
I laid down, and closed my eyes to sleep.
Dreamless dreams. Formless knowings. Becomings and unbecomings. Tears and triumphs. Writings and riots of confusion.
I forgot who I was or what I wanted. I placed my hopes and dreams at the feet of the Divine.
And I prayed.
When I woke from the dream something had changed. I had changed.
I stopped trying to fix myself, and began to reveal myself.
I stopped trying to make things happen, and began to dance between desire, inspired action, and surrender.
I stopped labeling myself or placing limits on the infinity of my being.
Which is when it hit me. My longing for “something more” was only ever meant to open the door to someone more.
I discovered my wild in the heart song that vibrates through my body. In the dancing for joy that occasionally touches the edges of ecstasy.
I discovered my brave in the bold of my showing up, again and again — and in my having the courage to let it all go.
I discovered my creative force when I remembered…
I AM creative force. The unbridled energy of life awakening moves through me in every moment.
And it moves through you.
So here I stand — wise and wild. Serious and playful. Soft and strong.
Remembering and then forgetting who I really am.
But always committing to remember who I am not.
I am not my thoughts.
I am not my personality.
I am not a pre-conceived identity.
These are tiny fragments of my being.
I am the moon and the stars. I am infinite potential. And so are you.
xoxo,
Makena
